


Monster

by Selenicereus



Series: Post Wilde Life Stress Disorder [4]
Category: Wilde Life (Webcomic)
Genre: Cliff needs a hug, Gen, Mental Anguish, Self-Acceptance, Self-Hatred, cliff just wants a not-friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:08:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25310620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selenicereus/pseuds/Selenicereus
Summary: You remember that chapter of Wilde Life called 'Monster', well I just added a few things to the end of that chapter.Cliff runs away after saving Oscar from the rougarou. as Cliff runs away from his friends (their not friends), he cant run away from his own thoughts.
Series: Post Wilde Life Stress Disorder [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1391938
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Monster

The door slammed shut behind him and he ran through the forest. Two feet became four paws without a thought and he ran faster. Wind whipped through his fur as he put as much distance between himself and the house as he could, but he couldn't out run his thoughts. 

_Oscar’s eyes looked at Cliff, wide with fear. Fear of him. Of what he had done. Of what he was. Fear of the monster._

_“Close your eyes.” Don't look at me like that._

_He took Oscar’s arm and led him back to Eliza’s house. The whole way one word kept repeating in his head: Monster._

That’s what he was: a monster. Cliff growled at the thought and ran faster. Flying over the ground more than running. 

He knew. Of course he knew, how could he not. But he hadn’t let anyone else see it before. It was one thing to know you were a monster, that something dark and dangerous was hidden just beneath the surface. But it was something else to have another person know. A human. Someone who was normal. Someone who was not a monster. 

This was why he didn’t let people get too close. He pushed everyone away. His mother, his brother, the kids at school (unless they had some smokes to give him), and now Oscar. If he pushed them away, kept them at arms-length, then he wouldn't hurt them. The monster wouldn't hurt them. 

_“I want to go home.” He shouted. “Oscar!”_

_“Oh, now…?” Oscar stammered._

_Oscar wouldn't look at him. Wouldn't face him and say ‘you’re a monster and you scare me.’ but Cliff could see it in his face. Of course Oscar didn’t want to leave now. If he left with Cliff then he would be trapped in a car with a monster._

_“Forget you. I’ll walk.” Those were the words he said but what he meant was ‘I understand I’m a monster. You don't have to pretend you like me.’_

He was in his backyard, not even realizing that he had already crossed town. Slipping back to human, he climbed into his bedroom window, kicked off his sneakers and fell on his bed. For a moment he stared up at his ceiling thinking of nothing, then he rolled over and closed his eyes.

“Monster.” he muttered and tried to sleep. 

  
  
  


_Don’t open your eyes. Don't look at it. Don't become a monster. Don't be like me._

Cliff sat up in bed gasping for breath. It was just a dream. Oscar was safe. He had kept his eyes closed, looking like an idiot the whole time. He had kept his eyes closed even when a monster was inches away from eating his face. He had kept his eyes closed because he didn't want to become a monster himself. 

Getting out of bed, Cliff grabs a shirt that smelled clean and went to take a shower. He hoped it would clear his head but it didn't. So fresh from the shower and dressed he grabbed his red hoodie ~~no it didn't still smell like Oscar that't not why he kept it~~ and went out for a walk. 

His feet carried him through the forest, but to his spot. The cliff side had the best view, but even better then the view was the fact that no one ever came out here. He sat on the edge, feet hanging in the air as he kicked out occasionally, just to feel the empty space.

“I know I’m a monster.” Cliff told himself after sitting in silence for a while. 

It had to be said. It was the truth, his truth.

But does being a monster automatically make you bad? Make you evil? He never tried to do anything bad. No, that wasn't true. He got into trouble all the time just to feel something. To feel like by his friends. To feel cared for when his mother worried (even as he hated making her worry for him). To feel alive, just for a moment, in the midst of the danger. 

Still everyone he knew got in trouble every now and then. Oscar kept getting in trouble every time Cliff turned around. But Oscar wasn't a monster. Oscar wasn't evil.

He didn't set out to hurt people. Yeah, sometimes he caused trouble and someone got hurt, but he didn't plan for it. Accidents just happen sometimes. That didn’t mean he was evil.

The sun traveled across the sky as Cliff sat on the edge and let his thoughts twist around in circles. Until he settled on an idea.

Maybe he was a monster, but that didn't mean he had to act like one. 

Standing up he decided there was someone he needed to talk to. It had taken him all day to accept what he was, but walking to Oscar’s house, facing his not-friend, ~~they aren't friends~~ , this would be the hardest part of his day. All he wanted was to see if maybe, just maybe, Oscar would still want to talk to him, still have him hanging around. Even if Oscar called him a monster that would be fine. Just so long as Oscar didn't leave him.

Cliff didn't want to be alone. ~~He just wanted a friend.~~

**Author's Note:**

> Go read [Wilde Life ](https://www.wildelifecomic.com/comic/1)!!


End file.
